Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

I was sweating at the time. My back was sore from the Camel Pose I had just attempted. Did you know that you are technically supposed to be able to kneel on your legs and touch your toes with your fingertips--backwards?? It is a bit harder than it seems.

Try it.

I dare you.

See? Hard.

Now, if you are not currently stuck in that position and calling out for your husband to get an ice pack or call an ambulance, you can get back to my intriguing blog post.

So, I was concentrating on bending the right way and not falling over. By this time Jillian Michaels had moved on to the Chaturanga pose that challenged me to hold my entire body off the ground with my upper arm strength. (Which is non-existent.) My arms were shaking. Did I mention that I had worked up a sweat?  So much for the relaxing yoga video I thought I was getting.

Hold it for 15 seconds! She commanded me. You can do it.

She pointed her finger in my face and shouted: Get comfortable being uncomfortable!

What?!

I don't want to be uncomfortable Jillian. I just don't. It hurts. I'm tired. I want to quit!

Really? Most people want to quit, Ellen. You are not alone. But look at me, look at my solid rock hard abs. Look at my chiseled arms and muscular legs and toned backside. Do you think I got this way by quitting?

Well...no.

You know what? I am comfortable being uncomfortable. That's why I am strong and you are not.

Ok. Ok. I might or might not have actually had that conversation through my TV with Jillian Michaels during her Yoga Meltdown video.

She did for real shout at me to Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable and I found it funny for about 10 seconds until I realized she was serious and that is probably her life mantra.

I have had a few people ask me in the past weeks the question, "Ellen, how are you REALLY doing these days??"  It's such a sweet question, because it gives me comfort that a few people can see past my silly, sometimes sarcastic, often confused exterior to what might be lurking underneath...and they actually want to know what is in there!

That is bravery, my friends, to ask a girl how she is REALLY doing.

And I won't go into many details here, but I did think of a good answer that sums it up well.

Uncomfortable.

Because for a while I wanted to say it was hard. But you know what, it's not hard. Hard is death and illness and job loss and intense suffering and rejection and abuse, and I have a deep, deep compassion for people who are travelling those roads. I am not travelling the road of hard. Not right now.

Neither am I confused or bewildered or lost or hopeless or afraid. Not in any big, significant ways.

I'm just a bit uncomfortable.  Like an itchy sweater that you just can't wait to get home to take off. (Have you ever made the mistake of wearing a wool sweater with no undershirt? Yikes.  I did that once in the 6th grade and I could not get home to change soon enough! I have never worn a wool sweater since.)  (Besides I think that style has gone out of fashion.) (Actually, I have my doubts that it ever was IN fashion.)

I would love more than many things right now to trade my itchy sweater for a soft cotton-poly blend and elastic waisted pants. You know, life's lounge-wear. I long to be comfortable as much as anyone. 

I don't know much about Jillian Micheals, but she is right about one thing: Comfort is nice but it won't get you anywhere.

Being uncomfortable is the only way that muscles grow and get toned. Uncomfortable is the only way a spirit is tested and stretched and figures out what it truly believes.

I just pray that I look back 10 years from now and am thankful for this time in my life and that I'll have evidence of my hard work. You know, chiseled abs, toned arms, and a strong faith.

Well, one can hope. Right?